Some neighbors came over last night, and I found it particularly interesting when our discussion turned to worries about health. I mentioned my first experience with a panic attack, and I was gratified to note that of the five of us at the table, three had had a panic attack. Anxiety disorders are more widespread than even I had known.
I remember my first panic attack, which happened around January of 1998. Unlike the others at the table, I didn't "just" have a panic attack. I don't remember having anxiety issues until I started having IBS symptoms. Funny how a year long experience of uncontrollable, daily diarrhea will cause a little anxiety! 'Cause this is your grandmother's lack of control, and it's hard when you're 20. I remember the first time I wore depends to deal with traveling on a plane with the experience's interminable lines. A friend who worked at a nursing home asked me if I was ready for a room at the home yet. Not quite yet, I replied, but getting close.
The crushing feeling of a panic attack was not something I'd ever experienced, and how was I to know that it would feel like I was dying? There I was, studying for a German exam, sitting on the couch, and all of a sudden, the bottom dropped out of my world. Tightness in the chest, can't breath, shaking, and a moment when it feels like the world stops and the heart does so with it. The first thought, "this is a heart attack."
I freaked, as so many do with their first panic attack. And to my chagrin, I called 911. Paramedics in route, I'm still freaking out. I'm dying after all. Didn't take the paramedics long to figure out that what I was experience was panic. I felt like a complete and total idiot, and it was a long time before I let panic drive me to the medical community. (another story, another time). In and of itself that's pretty amazing since that first of the panic attacks became a normal part of my life - anxiety can become normal if experienced long enough.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
this is a very timely post for me. I'm just really dealing with a new bout of serious anxiety. I guess it's always been my weak spot. Not depression, but anxiety. And it always seems to manifest in my guts. I only had one actual "panic attack" years ago, but it was enough.
I love the idea for your book, by the way.
Rock Paper Tree -
I'm happy that this post was a timely one for you. Anxiety can be an overwhelming experience, that's for sure.
I read somewhere, if it helps you to explain why anxiety so often manifests in the gut, that there is a bundle of nerves in the stomach area that operates like a second nerve center. Not exactly a brain or anything, but it does send nerve signals to parts of the body without necessarily involving the actual brain. So it kind of makes sense that anxiety should feel like it's in the pit of the stomach.
Also, anxiety is a thing without an object, so the therapists tell me, and so we seek to find an object for it because we like to know why we're feeling as we do. Too bad it doesn't work since panic attacks and overwhelming anxiety usually operate out of the mid section of the brain (center for emotion and such) and so does NOT respond to logical thinking like "no, really, I'm ok. There's nothing wrong with me." Well, except for that overwhelming I kind of feel like I'm immobilized thing. LOL.
Renee: I can sympathize as a supporter. My husband suffers from panic attacks. His began when his Dad passed away (1992) and then got compounded by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by two (yes, two) robberies that he had to endure when he worked in a credit union. He has gotten better over the years through therapy and medication...but it's a terrible thing to go through, both as the sufferer and the supporter.
Post a Comment